ive followed my instincts, to pursue answers despite being warned and discouraged. because i truly believe that a truth so terrible must be uncovered instead of left to rot and fester, as our very souls may soon enough. i want to do the right thing, to protect the people i love i want the captain to have a chance to experience something outside of the trap he's built but i dont know how to find resolve or confidence when im constantly faced with the challenge of not knowing anything about magic when my thoughts are a scrambled mess that i cant keep straight and i fear when everyone else finds out what ive done...
but the point is. i think the heart of this ship was built upon suffering. that everything is structured around the captain's loathing of what he is, what he used to be subjected to from his masters, and his fear of being controlled ever again. i believe he separated an essential part of himself and gave it to friday to seal away. maybe his soul. and that the captain himself is... i don't know what he is. whatever is left. maybe he thinks he's playing master now, because that's the only other role he knew.
but the other part has been trapped and forgotten for all this time. maybe to power reality itself. maybe to keep it so well hidden that nothing can find it. except it found fio, through her dreams, and has managed to reawaken itself. enough to cause these fractures in reality. this place runs off our emotions, generated by our experiences which are typically limited at the rate of time. but the dreams are an almost... bottomless source of energy. people experiencing hours, days, years in a few seconds. across so many emotional moments of our lives. played out again and again while we try to prove to each other how much better all our lives would have been if only we were there at those crucial moments to play hero for each other. i think we're feeding it, and as much as i want to believe this "friend" of fio's simply wants freedom... im afraid. because friday was so afraid.
either way, even the captain has deliberately prevented himself from knowing. but i dont think a choice thats made out of desperation is... healthy. but an act of self harm. skulduggery and i are divided on whether or not it should be dealt with by sealing it away again as vile needed to be, or... if there's a way to reconnect it somehow. skulduggery is of course not fond of the implication that the man he loves is not whole or complete the way he is. because he's afraid to lose him, what they have. but through my own experience of feeling broken and needing to accept my traumas in order to move forward and heal, i keep wondering if that's not part of the solution.
and thats before taking into account whether we're capable of either, and what effects thatll have on reality itself.
but the part i havent told him... i need somebody else to know. is that jenny traded her ship away, back before we found her on that island. that ship of hers that is capable of navigating across realities to here. if we survive... we'll worry about that then.
[...At the very least, it's fortunate that he'd already started on his morning walk when this correspondence began. Jade had been planning to drop by the Promenade anyhow, and by the time the elevator's made it there, Ava's newest hefty reply has popped in. ...It's about five minutes before Jade starts responding. In that time, he's made his way to Sand Dollars, ordered a black coffee off the invisible ghost server there, and settled down in a rift-free corner to take a swallow from the hot contents of his cup and sigh.
Right, then.]
Jenny traded that ship away, is that right? To whom, and in exchange for what? ...Well, as you say, we've probably enough worries on our plate before digging deeper into such finer details there. Thank you for telling me this; I'll be keeping it in memory for when there's more time to examine it.
[When there's more time, not "if". Jade wouldn't claim himself to be a particularly optimistic person, but still...certain turns of phrase can go a long way. To segue into the real topic at hand...]
Reading over the rest of this information, I believe we can at least say fairly upfront that your logic regarding the likely nature of this piece of the captain reads quite sound. Especially that note on the nature of the memory rifts...it's not something that has even yet occurred to me, but it's certainly been established before that this plane is powered by the output of our emotions. These venues into memories being condensed batteries free of limitation in multiple senses tracks with that, unfortunate as this implication is.
You say you don't know anything about magic, but I don't know if I'd phrase it that way going forward. You have been unfamiliar with the mechanics of this place...and as we can see with the solid theory you've just drawn about the rifts, you've been starting to learn those mechanics all the same. This isn't something to minimize. Many here have told me that they view my own abilities with fonic artes as a form of "magic" as well, but as I've told them before and can tell you now: fonology is considered a science where I'm from, because there is a system of rules and principles to which it abides. Rules and principles govern the system the captain has set into place upon this ship as well; it's simply that they're foreign to us, and we're having to divine it through trial and error.
That being said. Your other point, on what should be done with this entity...I think I may have to agree, that finding some way to merge the captain with it once more may be the best option of all the ones we can presently see. Sealing it away runs the risk of it breaking free once more down the line just as it's doing now, much the same as Vile did in December; destroying it may simultaneously destroy the captain, and hence destroy all of us as well; leaving it separate from him might mean it pursues interests that actively hamper our own, if it just stirring about is fragmenting reality this thoroughly already. ...Merging the two would almost certainly change the captain in some way, no doubt...but that might be what's necessary, for better or worse.
The impression I've gathered, from Skulduggery's description of the matter, is that the captain is currently at something of a standstill: he is no longer actively pulling us into venues that would torture us, it seems, but he also cannot do much more to improve our tenuous situation upon this ship either, even if he were more willing to do so at Skulduggery's behest. Because there are currently rules set that restrict him from this, and he cannot override them in his present state. An altering of that state in the form of him becoming whole once more, however...
Of course, there's always the possibility it would worsen things instead, and we end up condemning ourselves to an extended round of new tortures anyway 😊 But the status quo is stagnation, I think. Whiling away our time on this ship with the occasional stop in idly fabricated realities, at perpetual risk of suddenly vanishing into the Nothing at a moment's notice, or until the collective fueling of our souls finally wears out--albeit over a longer stretch of time, perhaps. Even without a new hostile entity apparently getting ready to burst out of the seams of this reality, the second scenario would still exist as an issue. Change begets risk, and it seems we're going to have to run said risk whether we like it or not pretty soon.
It's unsurprising Skulduggery would be apprehensive about this. He's somehow managed to fall in love with the captain as he currently is, after all, and he's already admitted to me before that his sentiment often colors his perception on related matters. [....] I take it you're rather more fond than not of the captain yourself, Miss Ava?
i have a friend looking into it. she witnessed this inside one of the memory cracks. i had to provide context to her, about who jenny is and where her ship came from... it's strange. being here an entire year, knowing as much as we do. how few of the newer passengers seem interested in knowing anything that's led to this moment.
yes, i think we're freely giving up an extreme excess of our energy, and there's no telling what it's going to use it for. but it's hard to get anyone to listen. to stop spending so much time within them. i read the etiquette book... they seem more concerned with the rules of sleeping with each other.
okay. i do not know how to perform magic. with the exception of my ability to fly, which is rather simplistic. i do not know the complex rules of various magic systems. but i do know about the laws of physics, about energy and chaos. and i figured out quite a lot before others have because i pay attention and lack proper hobbies. a lot of it is simple logic, understanding paradoxes and applying principles ive learned elsewhere. i cant do magic, but i know theory.
and i understand a bit how the captain thinks. because we have spent plenty of time together, chatting. and we are similar in some ways, or at least he's willing to show that side to me. so yes, i do think of him as a friend. one that i want to protect and am scared of losing. but i fear his greatest threat is himself. ive always had difficulty with... making those choices for others. i dont like to infringe upon anyone's autonomy, to say that i know better. but it's hard to believe that the choice he made at his worst is the right one. and he's in a position where he's incapable or believes himself so of changing anything. but he isn't fighting against us, hasn't requested us to stop.
he expressed he's only worried because skulduggery is. that the only future he wants is one with skulduggery in it. theyre both so entwined that i'm scared if i make the wrong move, i'm going to lose them both. and i hate to admit the selfish desire that if i had to choose, between them and most of this ship... but that's why i need somebody like you to know too.
Perhaps equal parts a lack of interest and a lack of decent ways to disseminate information and prove it verified, all told...another issue that's likely going to need looking into once we get past this more immediate reality-ending sort of hurdle. The best that can be done for now is comprehensively answering questions as they're asked of us. I hope your friend's endeavor in researching the matter further bears fruit. Someone I ought to speak with sometime myself, you think?
That ""etiquette"" guide certainly is an interesting addition to the library. Had a glance at it myself...the spirit is well-intentioned, but there's going to be no convincing those more attached to what they find in the rifts. Homesickness and some illusion of escape are powerful things, I imagine. [Jade has been well aware from the start, of course, that there's no point getting too attached to what's found there. But not everyone can manage such separation either, and it's no easy thing. No, he can't really judge, when he still found himself struck by a certain level of homesickness too in some memories...] I wouldn't be surprised if the sentimental appeal is part of the design. Quite the honey to put on a flytrap for collecting emotional fuel, after all...
Choices made at one's worst state of mind are never the right ones, for oneself. I don't think it's imposing upon anyone's autonomy, to simply know something like that to be true. [Goodness only knows how the choices he made at the lowest point of his life were incredibly bad ones in every way possible. As far as Jade's concerned, this is just an objective fact.] If the captain hasn't yet objected so far, that's likely the most direct confirmation you're going to get from him, that he's receptive to the investigation. Even if it's only for Skulduggery's sake in the end. ...Though you're not wrong that there's a certain level of precariousness in that fact, too. It certainly is troubling when the friends we choose get entrenched in situations like this, isn't it?
You already know which thing I'd prefer you to choose, I imagine, if you do end up presented with a choice between those two and the rest of the ship. So I'm not about to harp on that. Especially as I truly do appreciate that you're willing to inform me of these thoughts of yours. ...Any one person is liable to stagger under the sort of pressure you're placing on yourself with these sorts of hypotheticals, though. There's always the possibility that the burden of choice will not be completely yours, you know...
But I take it you still feel fully responsible for this all the same, do you?
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come_sailaway
no subject
i want the captain to have a chance to experience something outside of the trap he's built
but i dont know how to find resolve or confidence when im constantly faced with the challenge of not knowing anything about magic
when my thoughts are a scrambled mess that i cant keep straight
and i fear when everyone else finds out what ive done...
but the point is. i think the heart of this ship was built upon suffering. that everything is structured around the captain's loathing of what he is, what he used to be subjected to from his masters, and his fear of being controlled ever again. i believe he separated an essential part of himself and gave it to friday to seal away. maybe his soul. and that the captain himself is... i don't know what he is. whatever is left. maybe he thinks he's playing master now, because that's the only other role he knew.
but the other part has been trapped and forgotten for all this time. maybe to power reality itself. maybe to keep it so well hidden that nothing can find it. except it found fio, through her dreams, and has managed to reawaken itself. enough to cause these fractures in reality. this place runs off our emotions, generated by our experiences which are typically limited at the rate of time. but the dreams are an almost... bottomless source of energy. people experiencing hours, days, years in a few seconds. across so many emotional moments of our lives. played out again and again while we try to prove to each other how much better all our lives would have been if only we were there at those crucial moments to play hero for each other. i think we're feeding it, and as much as i want to believe this "friend" of fio's simply wants freedom... im afraid. because friday was so afraid.
either way, even the captain has deliberately prevented himself from knowing. but i dont think a choice thats made out of desperation is... healthy. but an act of self harm. skulduggery and i are divided on whether or not it should be dealt with by sealing it away again as vile needed to be, or... if there's a way to reconnect it somehow. skulduggery is of course not fond of the implication that the man he loves is not whole or complete the way he is. because he's afraid to lose him, what they have. but through my own experience of feeling broken and needing to accept my traumas in order to move forward and heal, i keep wondering if that's not part of the solution.
and thats before taking into account whether we're capable of either, and what effects thatll have on reality itself.
but the part i havent told him... i need somebody else to know. is that jenny traded her ship away, back before we found her on that island. that ship of hers that is capable of navigating across realities to here. if we survive... we'll worry about that then.
no subject
Right, then.]
Jenny traded that ship away, is that right? To whom, and in exchange for what? ...Well, as you say, we've probably enough worries on our plate before digging deeper into such finer details there. Thank you for telling me this; I'll be keeping it in memory for when there's more time to examine it.
[When there's more time, not "if". Jade wouldn't claim himself to be a particularly optimistic person, but still...certain turns of phrase can go a long way. To segue into the real topic at hand...]
Reading over the rest of this information, I believe we can at least say fairly upfront that your logic regarding the likely nature of this piece of the captain reads quite sound. Especially that note on the nature of the memory rifts...it's not something that has even yet occurred to me, but it's certainly been established before that this plane is powered by the output of our emotions. These venues into memories being condensed batteries free of limitation in multiple senses tracks with that, unfortunate as this implication is.
You say you don't know anything about magic, but I don't know if I'd phrase it that way going forward. You have been unfamiliar with the mechanics of this place...and as we can see with the solid theory you've just drawn about the rifts, you've been starting to learn those mechanics all the same. This isn't something to minimize.
Many here have told me that they view my own abilities with fonic artes as a form of "magic" as well, but as I've told them before and can tell you now: fonology is considered a science where I'm from, because there is a system of rules and principles to which it abides. Rules and principles govern the system the captain has set into place upon this ship as well; it's simply that they're foreign to us, and we're having to divine it through trial and error.
That being said. Your other point, on what should be done with this entity...I think I may have to agree, that finding some way to merge the captain with it once more may be the best option of all the ones we can presently see. Sealing it away runs the risk of it breaking free once more down the line just as it's doing now, much the same as Vile did in December; destroying it may simultaneously destroy the captain, and hence destroy all of us as well; leaving it separate from him might mean it pursues interests that actively hamper our own, if it just stirring about is fragmenting reality this thoroughly already. ...Merging the two would almost certainly change the captain in some way, no doubt...but that might be what's necessary, for better or worse.
The impression I've gathered, from Skulduggery's description of the matter, is that the captain is currently at something of a standstill: he is no longer actively pulling us into venues that would torture us, it seems, but he also cannot do much more to improve our tenuous situation upon this ship either, even if he were more willing to do so at Skulduggery's behest. Because there are currently rules set that restrict him from this, and he cannot override them in his present state. An altering of that state in the form of him becoming whole once more, however...
Of course, there's always the possibility it would worsen things instead, and we end up condemning ourselves to an extended round of new tortures anyway 😊 But the status quo is stagnation, I think. Whiling away our time on this ship with the occasional stop in idly fabricated realities, at perpetual risk of suddenly vanishing into the Nothing at a moment's notice, or until the collective fueling of our souls finally wears out--albeit over a longer stretch of time, perhaps. Even without a new hostile entity apparently getting ready to burst out of the seams of this reality, the second scenario would still exist as an issue. Change begets risk, and it seems we're going to have to run said risk whether we like it or not pretty soon.
It's unsurprising Skulduggery would be apprehensive about this. He's somehow managed to fall in love with the captain as he currently is, after all, and he's already admitted to me before that his sentiment often colors his perception on related matters. [....] I take it you're rather more fond than not of the captain yourself, Miss Ava?
no subject
yes, i think we're freely giving up an extreme excess of our energy, and there's no telling what it's going to use it for. but it's hard to get anyone to listen. to stop spending so much time within them. i read the etiquette book... they seem more concerned with the rules of sleeping with each other.
okay. i do not know how to perform magic. with the exception of my ability to fly, which is rather simplistic. i do not know the complex rules of various magic systems. but i do know about the laws of physics, about energy and chaos. and i figured out quite a lot before others have because i pay attention and lack proper hobbies. a lot of it is simple logic, understanding paradoxes and applying principles ive learned elsewhere. i cant do magic, but i know theory.
and i understand a bit how the captain thinks. because we have spent plenty of time together, chatting. and we are similar in some ways, or at least he's willing to show that side to me. so yes, i do think of him as a friend. one that i want to protect and am scared of losing. but i fear his greatest threat is himself. ive always had difficulty with... making those choices for others. i dont like to infringe upon anyone's autonomy, to say that i know better. but it's hard to believe that the choice he made at his worst is the right one. and he's in a position where he's incapable or believes himself so of changing anything. but he isn't fighting against us, hasn't requested us to stop.
he expressed he's only worried because skulduggery is. that the only future he wants is one with skulduggery in it. theyre both so entwined that i'm scared if i make the wrong move, i'm going to lose them both. and i hate to admit the selfish desire that if i had to choose, between them and most of this ship... but that's why i need somebody like you to know too.
no subject
That ""etiquette"" guide certainly is an interesting addition to the library. Had a glance at it myself...the spirit is well-intentioned, but there's going to be no convincing those more attached to what they find in the rifts. Homesickness and some illusion of escape are powerful things, I imagine. [Jade has been well aware from the start, of course, that there's no point getting too attached to what's found there. But not everyone can manage such separation either, and it's no easy thing. No, he can't really judge, when he still found himself struck by a certain level of homesickness too in some memories...] I wouldn't be surprised if the sentimental appeal is part of the design. Quite the honey to put on a flytrap for collecting emotional fuel, after all...
[A bit of a pause here, half to drink more coffee and half to stare in a blankly frowning sort of way out of the café and into the Promenade proper for a moment. ...Plenty to to chew on, the rest of this.]
Choices made at one's worst state of mind are never the right ones, for oneself. I don't think it's imposing upon anyone's autonomy, to simply know something like that to be true. [Goodness only knows how the choices he made at the lowest point of his life were incredibly bad ones in every way possible. As far as Jade's concerned, this is just an objective fact.] If the captain hasn't yet objected so far, that's likely the most direct confirmation you're going to get from him, that he's receptive to the investigation. Even if it's only for Skulduggery's sake in the end. ...Though you're not wrong that there's a certain level of precariousness in that fact, too. It certainly is troubling when the friends we choose get entrenched in situations like this, isn't it?
You already know which thing I'd prefer you to choose, I imagine, if you do end up presented with a choice between those two and the rest of the ship. So I'm not about to harp on that. Especially as I truly do appreciate that you're willing to inform me of these thoughts of yours. ...Any one person is liable to stagger under the sort of pressure you're placing on yourself with these sorts of hypotheticals, though. There's always the possibility that the burden of choice will not be completely yours, you know...
But I take it you still feel fully responsible for this all the same, do you?