[The silence stretches uncomfortably long, but Rita lets it be. She thinks she's come to know Jade well enough to know that even if their outward reactions are the complete opposite, he's finding it just as difficult--if not moreso--a pill to swallow.
...Which wouldn't be surprising at all, considering his past efforts to create copies--something she remembers sharply when he mentions replicas, and she nods, looking at him more directly.]
Yeah...seems so.
[As impatient as she usually is, she doesn't try to rush him. This is...one of those things that can't be rushed, so she waits for his inevitable follow-up questions--he's right on the money, of course, even as he does sound strange, and Rita wouldn't be surprised if he's having a much more internal sort of breakdown.]
...That's right. He said they never left our world...and that the "forms" here returned to aer. In other words--the ones who were here are...effectively dead.
[Her voice hitches with a small level of emotion, something she just can't quite help, even if it's far more subdued than her initial outburst at the captain.]
I didn't really--ask anything else about it. [She was too busy struggling with those details as it was.]
...Sorry. [For not asking more? For breaking the news to him? Maybe both.]
[He might have pinned the path of her questioning to the captain immediately, but Rita sure is drawing some pretty accurate conclusions of her own, where Jade's reaction to the news might actually be concerned. Not that Jade quite realizes initially, half his thoughts still caught in the whirlwind and the other half painstakingly taking in the words of her answer, the implications riddled therein. "Returned to aer"--doubtless a phrase used to facilitate Rita's own understanding of the matter, but Jade imagines the material's basically the equivalent of whatever it is that's managed to merge the functionality of all represented magic systems aboard this vessel. They never left their world...no, of course they wouldn't have. ...Truly, then, they really are all replicas here. Aren't they?
--No, though perhaps even that term isn't quite right, when it would seem...that the captain has somehow found a way to replicate both the bodies and souls of everyone here. The thoughts and memories and personalities--to the letter--a code that Jade never had managed to crack, in the end, after countless years of research himself. Now isn't that something? Again and again...as the notion settles, a strange and icy thing in the pit of his chest...it would seem, increasingly, that the captain has managed every feat Jade had ever wanted to achieve, once before. Resurrections, perfect replicas. ...Depending on how one tilts their head and looks at it, what he's seeing and experiencing here and now...could perhaps count as a sample. Of just how things might have turned out for countless unfortunate people in Auldrant, perhaps, if he himself had ever once managed to actually succeed--
And it's horrible on every level, now isn't it?
The hitch of emotion in Rita's voice is small but plain, as she confirms the effective death of her friends. ...Friends' replicas, perhaps, but--no, still her friends, by any other measure. It's followed by an apology, and Jade is shaking his head--this, at least, a more prompt sort of reaction. No, much as his mind is racing...much as certain very unsettling realizations of parallels might be stirring, about now...in the end, at least, this is enough to keep him focusing on the present--and not on countless hypotheticals, each new one more uncomfortable than the last. Really, as if his own comfort is what actually matters at the moment anyway--not when this has plainly been weighing upon Rita in a truly terrible way. (Could she be blamed, for finding it difficult to shoulder? Not at all, not at all...)]
--No, don't be. You've done nothing to warrant apologizing. This isn't the sort of news that anyone would expect to hear, after all...and I do appreciate it. You deciding to tell me this.
[Is there a part of him that does fervently wish he'd gone on not knowing? ...Perhaps. But it's still only a small part, in the end--knee-jerk wishful thinking, and dwarfed by the practical sense of the matter...that a fact of this much gravity really was bound to come out, sooner or later. Besides, honestly...in a way it's crueler not to know in the end, considering--]
I suppose this means...at the very least, that we aren't considered missing in our homelands after all. ...That matters there are still continuing on, and haven't been disrupted by an absence. Yet... [Oh, it still settles so oddly in thought now. This is going to have to be an entire adjustment, isn't it? Jade still doesn't know what feeling it is that's actually trying to settle in his head right now--a stunned and numb sort of thing, for the moment. But he just can't stop...drawing parallels... (Ah, Luke must have felt something like this, when he discovered Asch. Discovered where the true bounds of their identities lay. It'd been a terrible thing, Jade was sure, but this...hm. This really is some sort of well-earned karma, now isn't it?) Jade leans back a bit in his seat, but his posture's still rigid, and his glance keeps wanting to stray to something further away.] ...This still creates quite a problem for us now, doesn't it?
[Those of them who had still...been rather banking on going back. Up to this point. ...Rita certainly isn't the only one who had such goals, in this room about now.]
[Of course, without knowing just how much of his life Jade dedicated to perfecting fomicry and resurrection, she isn't aware of the degree to which his thoughts are whirling in that direction--even as she can guess that it's probably on his mind to at least a small extent.
Still--he appreciates it, huh? It's almost impressive that he can feel this way, after what he's just learned. She's considering asking if he wants to think it over on his own--he seems like the type who'd prefer that, she thinks--but then...he's really getting down the crux of the matter, isn't he? Rita looks down at the coffee table and nods.]
...Yeah. Whatever we were doing there...is continuing just fine without us--or these versions of us, I guess.
[This is also what made it hard to discuss with Natsuno, since he was already dead in his own world, and she didn't want to dig too hard into something that painful (surprising as it might be, she is sometimes capable of tact). Jade, on the other hand, must have...things he was supposed to be doing, too, and people he wanted to see. That's what makes breaking this news to him painful, but...it does mean they can understand each other's position.
Since...yeah, they were both planning on returning to their homes, weren't they? Only now... She glances at him again.]
...In our own worlds--there's no place for us anymore. Even if we could go back.
[...Jade did have things he was supposed to be doing. People he wanted to see. Goodness, to think--the months he's spent by now--worrying about how Peony's been managing, around his own supposed absence. Wondering how things are faring for the others, in their places of representation throughout Auldrant, involved in the thick of the myriad reformations having to take place in the absence of the Score. Drafting and re-drafting countless argument proposals for the societal integration of replicas, in his own bouts of downtime aboard this ship...as if he could bring any of that progress back to Auldrant to begin with. Or return in general.
All but useless hypotheticals now, with this news. Perhaps not yet still completely impossible, but...it's an outcome that does seem extremely unlikely, at this point. If it's true. That there's no place at all for them anymore, back home...
There is undoubtedly something painful about this--and for once Jade finds himself rather grateful, for his innate talents in regarding such feelings in a generally muted fashion, and being able to set them aside. Certainly, it's all...a sort of thing that's very much going to warrant a lot more thinking, and processing, that's much better done alone. But it can't be done now, regardless of how much the newly-formed prospects still sting--because Rita's still here. Jade refocuses properly upon her, the dismay written very clearly on her features...and he thinks he can understand why she felt the need to tell him this, now. Even beyond it being an exchange of vital information...a new question certainly hangs in the air between them, here.
If they can't go back...if they're not even the people they necessarily should be, any longer...what should they do, now?
--Surprising even himself, a little, Jade finds he already has an answer on hand.]
In that case...we're going to need to readjust our goals, now aren't we? Seeing as we have this worst-case scenario before us. After all...I suppose you must be wondering, of late, if this means that our existences still have any purpose at all now. ...Or am I wrong? What do you think, on this matter?
[She can't help but stare at him as he once again pinpoints the issue with uncanny accuracy. That in itself would already be impressive, but...at a time like this? Surprise gives way to a questioning look as she tries to answer.]
Well...that's about it, yeah...but...
[Sure, he is really good at setting things aside, but still... Maybe it hasn't entirely sunk in yet? It did take Rita a while to process it all, initially focused on what it had meant for Yuri and Flynn's fate--but what it meant for her relationship with her friends had quickly been on her mind, too.
Before she can quite help it...the question slips out.]
[For all his skill indeed, in pinpointing matters...Jade briefly still isn't entirely sure why Rita's going on to stare at him quite like that, all of a sudden. Even her answer tapers off, confirming and yet...wondering about something else, it would seem? ...No, he surely couldn't have guessed what that something else would end up being.
Which makes it all the more startling, in the end, when that question does slip out.
For a moment Jade simply stares back at her, and something genuinely startled crosses the impassive set of his features--the lack of expression he's been trying to maintain, up to this point. They need to plot the way forward in all this, after all, and this is no occasion for dwelling on things. On the feelings. But. There's something about the fact that Rita actually has to ask...as if she's not sure. As if she can't tell. (Oh, and that actually really hurts, far more than expected--)
That's beside the point, part of him wants to say. It's not important right now. It will not help us. Yet, too, there's another part of him that says...]
Of course I am.
[A quieter sort of admission, this. As it slips out rather the same way Rita's question has, filling the space of the pause that falls between them; stripped, too, of the steady surety of his earlier words. With just a bit more of an adjustment in tone, it could nearly parse as offended, or upset, but...overall, it just sounds more tired than anything.
Jade's posture in his chair doesn't shift. But his glance does, briefly, drop to the floor as he frowns.]
...I suppose I must not be showing it. That's the sort of person I am, I'm afraid.
[She was sure he had to be feeling something for them--doubly confirmed by his soft affirmation--because she's never seen Jade as a cold person (somehow, he's kept his more cursed side mostly hidden from her...).]
What I mean is...you don't have to keep all that bottled up inside just on my account.
[Softy. This is serious, though, so he gets spared that. Instead, she crosses her arms and nods like she's about to say something heartfelt and very wise, because she totally is, okay!]
[You know, the last time anyone said this to Jade Curtiss...his name was Jade Balfour, and he was about four years old. Might have scraped a knee on a slippery patch of ice, or something like that.
[And he's not crying now, either, to say the least--remains nowhere particularly close, honestly. No, for a moment, Jade's simply staring some more at Rita in a very dry-eyed sort of fashion, as a new wave of brief surprise arrives. But, eventually...something in his expression goes on to soften just a bit, too. Enough so for the slightest ghost of a smile to cross his features, even, this one a rather far cry from his usual instances of sardonic cheer.]
...Well, it's good to hear I have permission on the matter, then. Thank you. [Faintly humored and yet not, somehow; there's not actually a trace of mockery in the remark, anyway.] "Keeping it bottled up inside", hm? That might be true...
But the fact does still remain that we'll likely have ample time to process this sadness. ...And you didn't exactly come here just to ensure I reach my quota of crying, I'm sure. For all that I do appreciate you offering the room for it. [Briefly, Jade closes his eyes with a sigh, and shifts to absently adjust his glasses. His expression, in the process, is settling down into more of a neutrality once again. (But it was a good try, Rita! You'll get the hang of this heartfelt and wise stuff someday...!)] It is a terrible thing, that our chances of being able to return home to our friends have now been severely reduced in this way. That we are no longer quite the individuals we once were...and are now more like fabrications, for this ship. ...But that doesn't mean our existences no longer have worth. Do you understand?
[She returns his stare patiently; she clearly caught him off-guard with that, so she lets him work through the surprise...even if he does end up with that tiny hint of a soft smile and no sign of anything like tears (which...is also fine; she may have encouraged him, but it would still be weird if he did suddenly start crying...)
In response to his thanks-]
Well...we're friends and all.
[Just throwing that right out there so there can never be any doubt!
...Even as he does go on to steer them back to the main issue facing them now, and Rita blinks at the way he just...lays it out seemingly so easily, with a surprising level of optimism, too. They still have worth...she could protest that it's not what she'd been thinking. It would be a lie, though. She uncrosses her arms, chewing on her lip as she looks down at the coffee table for a moment, before back at Jade.]
That was...quick.
...What makes you so sure, anyway?
[Dodging a direct answer like this, it's going to be obvious that it was on her mind--not it wasn't already, it seems.]
[Ah, friends...well, that's. Not the wrong term, now is it? Honestly, it's probably been the case for some time by now...and yet there's something about it being verbalized out loud, all the same, that really brings it into an odd and warming sort of perspective. ...Yes, Jade supposes, they're friends indeed now...
But acknowledging it out loud would be...no, there's no need. He's made some sappy enough admissions already, in the last half minute or so--and he's probably about to make even more of them before this conversation's over, with the direction it's currently starting to head now...all without having to get into the power of friendship as well!
...Because it remains such a grim topic here, and yet. He is very sure about this, isn't he? That they still have worth.]
Is there a reason not to be? [The question is fired back readily, not necessarily sharp but not exactly gentle either--much the same way Jade returns the eye contact steadily, when Rita offers it at length.] To say otherwise is to imply that we're lesser than our originals, in some way. Or less capable, than we would be back home. Simply because we've been split away, from what we were...this doesn't mean that our identities must suddenly come to an end.
[...In his mind's eye the memories remain very clear, even as their sentiments blend together. The months spent watching, as Luke struggled to find a new path for himself--an answer he could be happy with, a means to finally move out of the shadow of his original. How, so very slowly, "I never should have existed" gradually became "I'm glad I'm here"...]
We can no longer rely on going back, perhaps, but there's nothing to say that we cannot continue going forward. If this is the hand we must be dealt, then the least we can do is to make it worthwhile...to find meaning in it for ourselves. ...That's the best path, I've learned, to dealing with this sort of thing.
[Rita isn't bothered by him not responding to the friends part--because even if he doesn't (even if he's too embarrassed to say it!), he's made it clear enough through both his other words and his actions. If anything...Rita was the one who needed to say it, in case there were any doubts left on his part after that trust fiasco she and Natsuno cornered him on. (This doesn't mean he's escaping say it forever, though...)
For now...establishing their purposes and their worth...is a grim but necessary conversation. She's again caught off-guard by how immediately he responds where that's concerned, and she stares back at him in surprise.]
It's not--that we're lesser. I mean--we're still us, but--
[Ugh, she turned it over in her head so many times, but putting the feeling into a string of words is harder. What are they supposed to do now, when everything they'd wanted to work for is almost certainly out of reach? When their entire lives have been uprooted and forcefully planted on a completely different track they never chose for themselves?
...Sure, they can't just focus on the past. They do need to move forward, like he says. Even still, Rita frowns, looking down at the coffee table again.]
...It's not like it's all that easy.
[(That just get over it towards Clarke really coming back to bite her...) It's...so odd and unexpected--though not disagreeable--that Jade can say all this with so much confidence, almost as if he already had it all worked out-
And the latter half of his advice catches up to her. Dealing with this sort of thing. Hm. She turns a curious glance his way. He never said how long he'd been working with replicas--not that it's a detail she needs to know right now, exactly; rather...she abruptly asks-]
--When did you figure all that out? It's like you already had the answer.
FINALLY slams back in here a thousand years later aaah
I never did say it would be an easy thing. ...But I believe it will have to be necessary, to reach some form of acceptance in this way. We'll never be able to succeed in breaking the hold of this imprisonment if we cannot successfully process it. Especially if we ever wish to acquire options beyond these limited few we have now...
[Even if truly returning home doesn't seem to be a feasible thing at this point--there must surely be alternatives, somewhere out there in...the myriads of realities, that apparently exist beyond here. If only they could break free of this terrible hold of the captain's presently. ...But it's still not to say that having to leave your previous life behind by no choice of your own isn't, upsetting, yes--and Jade's well aware that it's going to take far more than a single talk like this, for Rita to come to terms with it. (He himself...will probably need more time and answers, too, before he does as well...)
But if it's a matter of trying to decide what to do, from here...
Well, Rita's intuition is surely rather on point there. ...Must have been rather obvious. Here Jade relents just a bit again, where eye contact might be concerned...and the ghost of a smile that crosses his features, at the question, is simultaneously fond but...sad?
Maybe a little sad.]
--Does it seem that way? I cannot take credit for it, I'm afraid. The answers I have now draw from the experiences...of someone else. A dear friend of mine. [A slight pause, here, as Jade seems to debate on whether to say anything more. Judging by the curious bent of Rita's glance about now, though...] I suppose you're already taking a guess or two as to his nature, aren't you?
[She's a sharp girl, after all--even if that sharpness is often volatile and selective, at times.]
Well--of course, it goes without saying that I'm not giving up and just letting that jerk have his way...
[She just...isn't entirely sure what they should aim for beyond securing their freedom. Not only do they have too little information, but the captain's powers don't make any damn sense, and they can't even do more than put a little dent in his stupid shell. It's...frustrating.
Maybe that's why she chooses to focus more on Jade's reaction here, and what he admits. A dear friend, someone he so obviously misses...and also...
Softly, she concludes-]
So...you have replica friends.
[In the context of their current conversation, it makes sense, even as it brings up additional questions. Hadn't he forbade the creation of replicas? How long was he actually creating them? How they did go from creator and creation to friends? They're thoughts that flit through her mind, though she doesn't voice any of them yet.]
He sure must've had quite an impact if you've picked up inspirational speeches from him.
ITS FINALLY HAPPENING......and now im sad all over again ugh
[It's still the real question in the end, isn't it? What they should do, if they ever do manage to finally break free of this ship...if not return home. The fact of the matter is that Jade simply doesn't know yet, either...but for his part, it wouldn't be the first time he's decided to focus fully on only one single goal, firmly setting aside worrying about the aftermath for when it finally arrives. (How many years did he sink into resurrecting Gelda Nebilim, without any plans whatsoever for what he'd even do with himself after succeeding? Maybe there's no such thing as a healthy way to use such a mindset, but when the alternative is existentially freezing up...well. Again, their options remain terribly limited presently...)
Rita's use of the present tense in that answer, though--ah. Even just that brings about something of an aching sort of twinge, though Jade knows it wasn't her intention. Another slight pause falls, as he studies the coffee table between them.]
...At one time, I did.
[And perhaps he might again, someday. --The self he is back home now, anyway. There are still many replicas trying to find a place in the world, there, and he hopes to aid them in such a cause. But as to the ones he knew, for that brief span of time...thoughts of Fon Master Ion arise as well, and by extension Jade's referring to him too. But as to the person he's referencing here and now...]
The replica I speak of wasn't aware of his own true identity for the majority of his life. In reality he was made to forcibly replace his original, as part of an exceptionally cruel sort of plot--the peers he knew, and the family surrounding him, were none the wiser of the trade, and thought the incident had rendered him amnesiac. He grew up entirely believing himself to be the person everyone told him he was...and then, at length, the truth was finally revealed to him. His original was still alive out there in the world--and he was an impostor all along, by some definitions, shaped by an identity that was no longer his own.
...I can only imagine it must have felt something like this. Having your origin pulled out from under you, all at once... [No, and even then--surely it was even worse, for Luke. The circumstances of that reveal...to witness the changing context of his own identity in painstaking realtime, only accentuated by the harsh judgment of his original. --Retrospect surely does bring many things to light. Jade glances up to Rita at length, smile long since faded.] I daresay anyone would call such a thing impactful, to witness. I will readily agree that his situation will forever stay with me. After all...I may not have been the one to revive the forbidden arte to create him, but I did have a hand in his existence to begin with, by first devising it at all...
rita just getting all the sad deets about her friends' friends lately
[Her use of the present tense is automatic, because they people left behind are still their friends...as long as they're still alive. And so...either Jade's friend already died, or they broke ties, but--Rita's banking on the former, based on the way Jade clearly still holds him so close. (Maybe she'd been assuming too much that Jade would be different from Natsuno in that respect--that people he was close to hadn't passed away before he arrived here.)
In any case--considering what they're going through right now, the story he tells is...a pretty painful one. Actually, it does sound like it was worse to her, too--they still know exactly who they are, even if their trajectories have split from the original.]
...To find out your whole identity and past were a fake...
[Jade does end up answering a couple of her questions, though--someone else revived fomicry and created this person, apparently.]
Was it...intentional that you met him?
[Hrm. Is that the right way to put it? To ask whether or not Jade became his acquaintance because he was a replica, or whether it was more...accidental. Which she can admit would be a little ironic, considering Jade's invention...]
[The question draws out a very slight laugh--unexpected as its tangent is, and as inherently nigh-ridiculous as the answer happens to be. It's more a short huff of a breath, than anything, to accompany the brief flicker of wry amusement as Jade shakes his head.]
Intentional? Oh, no, not in the least. It was quite the epitome of chance encounters, really...happening to bump into each other in the same place at the same time, as it were. [If it hadn't been the for Black Wings detonating that bridge--if the carriage carrying Luke and Tear had reached and crossed said bridge even fifteen minutes sooner--if Jade hadn't opted to stop off in Engeve at the Fon Master's request, and if Luke and Tear hadn't decided to do the same at that time...goodness, many things would be different. to say nothing of how thoroughly coincidental it all was, objectively...] Truthfully I almost couldn't believe it myself, as the details of his origins gradually came to light...some form of karma, no doubt. Or, as some would once call it, the will of the Score at work.
[Whether or not the Score was still in effect even at that time...still, the case is a strong one--such can't be denied even now. Jade sighs.]
Either way, I don't know...that I was of much help to him in the end anyhow, on the front of his identity. ...Furthermore, he never begrudged me my part in his existence, somehow, though he should have. I wouldn't have blamed him if he did.
[But he didn't, not once. He even advocated for Jade eventully, if anything, where even those most familiar with him were reluctant to--convinced as he was, that Jade had changed for good, and would never make the same mistakes he committed with fomicry again. ...In the very end...their final handshake held nothing but warmth...
Hm. It feels...strange. It feels very strange, speaking of Luke like this--indeed, Jade hasn't spoken of Luke at all since he first arrived aboard this vessel, and even back home...in the wake of Eldrant, there simply wasn't much time for reminiscing. Much less aloud. ...Jade's not sure why it's coming out now. Some perfect storm of the painful current revelation on hand, and the prodding on Rita's own part--her presence in and of itself, perhaps. (She reminds him so much of Luke sometimes, in the oddest ways...) Either way, though, it's like a dam finally cracking just a little bit. --And as expected, the wound of the loss is still raw, but at least...it's a different sort of painful from the trappings of their situation here. Maybe that counts for something...or maybe it doesn't...
But Rita did want justification for Jade's opinion on the matter, and this--is that. So to speak. As the answer is gradually drawn out very incrementally, in this way...]
[While she doesn't know what the Score is, in context, it sounds almost like he's saying it could've been...some kind of fate. Rita doesn't believe in destiny and preordained fate--your fate is what you make it, in her opinion--but that's not a tangent she's particularly interested in pursuing. Instead, she's taken aback by how...fondly he seems to recall the memory--fondly and with plenty of melancholy too, she'd say.]
You almost sound like you wanted him to blame you. [A beat, and then she adds-] Even if you weren't actually responsible for creating him...you still felt responsible for what he'd gone through. Is that about right?
[They never did dig too deep into Jade's past after...clarifying the basic details, and now...Jade certainly seems to be carrying way more guilt over his invention than she initially guessed. And besides that...]
In fact, it almost sounds like...you're still grieving him, or something...
...The fact of the matter is that he never would have existed, if it weren't for fomicry. That existence...has had many aspects, in turn. Both positive and negative. I can't deny my hand in those aspects, no matter how many degrees removed it might be.
[So, yes, she's about right. He does still feel responsible, and perhaps always will. Luke had told him, that one snowy night in Keterburg, that he was ultimately glad to experience the life he had, regardless of the circumstances tied to it...and though Jade holds the memory close like a talisman, it doesn't feel right to acknowledge only the positive aspects of it all. Above all else, he cannot let himself grow complacent--to forget just how extensively his own actions could alter the lives of others, in such ways.
But then Rita's making a note like that, and it's--hm. Not a sore spot, but. ...It's something he hasn't tried to look at since those events in Eldrant came to pass, has he? Even pointed out now--it's something of a surprise? That Rita could draw such a conclusion so promptly--
Jade hadn't even realized how his glance had ended up focusing on some other point to the side again, far off, before that remark's bringing him back to the present.]
Does it sound that way? I... [He doesn't know. Maybe that is the word for it. Surely he ought to be well-versed in personal loss by now, and yet to this day Jade still doesn't know how to identify this feeling. Whether it really is 'grief', in the same shape that anyone else's would be--when everyone else around him always seemed to experience it far more strongly and properly than himself. For a brief moment, the hesitation is plain on his features too.] ...I do think...I wish he'd been given more time. Luke only had seven years, to...
[To be alive, to experience the world, as his own person with his own outlook. --But that's getting into very painful territory indeed, and Jade abruptly realizes that he's getting off-track. Regardless of how...Rita doesn't seem to mind it. Seems to want to know more, even? Still, this is territory Jade doesn't want to wade into--doesn't know how to, not really--and...no, he's surely already said too much. The adjustment is an abrupt thing; a slight shift in his seat, and a moment taken to close his eyes and adjust his glasses, before Jade shakes his head again slightly.]
...Well, but that's beside the point. It isn't--we ought to return to the crux of the issue, at hand. ...That in the time afforded to him, he did eventually come to accept himself. To come to terms with the life he was parted from, and resolve to focus on a new path forward instead. So, if nothing else...the least I can do is take that resolve as an example, here and now.
To despair on this new path we've been forced onto will change nothing. Finding a new goal, and then making new resolves once that goal has been reached...that seems to me the best course of action, until we can acquire more tools to work with in this place. [Pushing out a slow breath of a sigh, Jade folds his arms.] ...I hardly expect you to accept this, as a solution. I'm well aware that it remains a paltry thing, vague as it is, and limited as our means seem here presently. But...
[But, it's all he has to offer, at present. ...And perhaps now, at least, Rita has the context on hand for where this perspective comes from. Whether or not she decides to take it up for herself.]
[Jade's definitely grieving...yet he barely seems to realize it himself, what with the way he answers her. She starts to wonder if this is the first time he's talked about this friend (Luke--she files that name away in the back of her mind) since arriving here, or else since whatever it was that lead to his apparent death.
Her brows furrow as he tries to change the subject. No, it's not what she originally came here for, but...maybe he needed to talk about it. She thinks she has a better understanding of him now, either way.
Well, anyway...he continues circling back to the initial problem, and eventually, she nods.]
I mean...I already knew we had to do that... [Which is...why she decided to talk to him?? Clearly.] But it is pretty vague right now...
[Also, she's still giving him a thoughtful look, pretty indicative of the fact that she's still considering asking him more about Luke.]
[Very technically speaking, it's the second time he's spoken of Luke to anyone on the ship so far--though the first person was Ava Starr, and it was an entirely unwilling admission courtesy of the honesty curse going around in the water at that time. Even then, though, Jade hadn't mentioned him by name. Which still makes the particular bent this conversation has taken...an odd one, to process. There's emotions happening about it, to be sure, but Jade isn't...entirely sure what those emotions are, either. It feels a bit too precarious to examine them...
So he's opting not to, about now. Which makes a shift back to the initial subject the most immediate way to go about it...even if Rita's pretty clearly rather less enthused about detaching from the topic of Luke in this way.]
It's indeed vague. Which means there's nothing for it but to try making it less so, in any way we can. Naturally, I trust that you'll be keeping your eyes and ears open for any other hint of information that might present itself over time. [Jade sure is seeing the thoughtful look Rita's continuing to level his way, and he's doing his level best to make no outward acknowledgment of it as he steers the both of them towards...what probably ought to be the end, of this particular conversation. Namely:] ...It's unfortunate you had to learn of this particular bit of information in this way. Where the nature of our existence here is concerned. ...But this, too, is invaluable to know all the same--even if it's painful to. I do still appreciate you bringing this to me, in the end.
[She makes a soft, acquiescing sigh. Externally, he might be handling all this far more calmly than she was, but to be fair...it was some pretty dire news to dump on him, and apparently dig up this grief he's been holding. She'll let the topic go, and let him have time to collect all his thoughts.]
Of course--if I do hear anything else. And that goes for you, too.
[Not that she believes he'd hold anything vital back, about their situation here.]
Anyway...uh, I don't know-- ['You're welcome' isn't something Rita Mordio really says at all, much less in this kind of context. So...the more fitting but also more embarrassing route...] ...Thanks, for...talking.
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come_sailaway
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...Which wouldn't be surprising at all, considering his past efforts to create copies--something she remembers sharply when he mentions replicas, and she nods, looking at him more directly.]
Yeah...seems so.
[As impatient as she usually is, she doesn't try to rush him. This is...one of those things that can't be rushed, so she waits for his inevitable follow-up questions--he's right on the money, of course, even as he does sound strange, and Rita wouldn't be surprised if he's having a much more internal sort of breakdown.]
...That's right. He said they never left our world...and that the "forms" here returned to aer. In other words--the ones who were here are...effectively dead.
[Her voice hitches with a small level of emotion, something she just can't quite help, even if it's far more subdued than her initial outburst at the captain.]
I didn't really--ask anything else about it. [She was too busy struggling with those details as it was.]
...Sorry. [For not asking more? For breaking the news to him? Maybe both.]
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--No, though perhaps even that term isn't quite right, when it would seem...that the captain has somehow found a way to replicate both the bodies and souls of everyone here. The thoughts and memories and personalities--to the letter--a code that Jade never had managed to crack, in the end, after countless years of research himself. Now isn't that something? Again and again...as the notion settles, a strange and icy thing in the pit of his chest...it would seem, increasingly, that the captain has managed every feat Jade had ever wanted to achieve, once before. Resurrections, perfect replicas. ...Depending on how one tilts their head and looks at it, what he's seeing and experiencing here and now...could perhaps count as a sample. Of just how things might have turned out for countless unfortunate people in Auldrant, perhaps, if he himself had ever once managed to actually succeed--
And it's horrible on every level, now isn't it?
The hitch of emotion in Rita's voice is small but plain, as she confirms the effective death of her friends. ...Friends' replicas, perhaps, but--no, still her friends, by any other measure. It's followed by an apology, and Jade is shaking his head--this, at least, a more prompt sort of reaction. No, much as his mind is racing...much as certain very unsettling realizations of parallels might be stirring, about now...in the end, at least, this is enough to keep him focusing on the present--and not on countless hypotheticals, each new one more uncomfortable than the last. Really, as if his own comfort is what actually matters at the moment anyway--not when this has plainly been weighing upon Rita in a truly terrible way. (Could she be blamed, for finding it difficult to shoulder? Not at all, not at all...)]
--No, don't be. You've done nothing to warrant apologizing. This isn't the sort of news that anyone would expect to hear, after all...and I do appreciate it. You deciding to tell me this.
[Is there a part of him that does fervently wish he'd gone on not knowing? ...Perhaps. But it's still only a small part, in the end--knee-jerk wishful thinking, and dwarfed by the practical sense of the matter...that a fact of this much gravity really was bound to come out, sooner or later. Besides, honestly...in a way it's crueler not to know in the end, considering--]
I suppose this means...at the very least, that we aren't considered missing in our homelands after all. ...That matters there are still continuing on, and haven't been disrupted by an absence. Yet... [Oh, it still settles so oddly in thought now. This is going to have to be an entire adjustment, isn't it? Jade still doesn't know what feeling it is that's actually trying to settle in his head right now--a stunned and numb sort of thing, for the moment. But he just can't stop...drawing parallels... (Ah, Luke must have felt something like this, when he discovered Asch. Discovered where the true bounds of their identities lay. It'd been a terrible thing, Jade was sure, but this...hm. This really is some sort of well-earned karma, now isn't it?) Jade leans back a bit in his seat, but his posture's still rigid, and his glance keeps wanting to stray to something further away.] ...This still creates quite a problem for us now, doesn't it?
[Those of them who had still...been rather banking on going back. Up to this point. ...Rita certainly isn't the only one who had such goals, in this room about now.]
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Still--he appreciates it, huh? It's almost impressive that he can feel this way, after what he's just learned. She's considering asking if he wants to think it over on his own--he seems like the type who'd prefer that, she thinks--but then...he's really getting down the crux of the matter, isn't he? Rita looks down at the coffee table and nods.]
...Yeah. Whatever we were doing there...is continuing just fine without us--or these versions of us, I guess.
[This is also what made it hard to discuss with Natsuno, since he was already dead in his own world, and she didn't want to dig too hard into something that painful (surprising as it might be, she is sometimes capable of tact). Jade, on the other hand, must have...things he was supposed to be doing, too, and people he wanted to see. That's what makes breaking this news to him painful, but...it does mean they can understand each other's position.
Since...yeah, they were both planning on returning to their homes, weren't they? Only now... She glances at him again.]
...In our own worlds--there's no place for us anymore. Even if we could go back.
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All but useless hypotheticals now, with this news. Perhaps not yet still completely impossible, but...it's an outcome that does seem extremely unlikely, at this point. If it's true. That there's no place at all for them anymore, back home...
There is undoubtedly something painful about this--and for once Jade finds himself rather grateful, for his innate talents in regarding such feelings in a generally muted fashion, and being able to set them aside. Certainly, it's all...a sort of thing that's very much going to warrant a lot more thinking, and processing, that's much better done alone. But it can't be done now, regardless of how much the newly-formed prospects still sting--because Rita's still here. Jade refocuses properly upon her, the dismay written very clearly on her features...and he thinks he can understand why she felt the need to tell him this, now. Even beyond it being an exchange of vital information...a new question certainly hangs in the air between them, here.
If they can't go back...if they're not even the people they necessarily should be, any longer...what should they do, now?
--Surprising even himself, a little, Jade finds he already has an answer on hand.]
In that case...we're going to need to readjust our goals, now aren't we? Seeing as we have this worst-case scenario before us. After all...I suppose you must be wondering, of late, if this means that our existences still have any purpose at all now. ...Or am I wrong? What do you think, on this matter?
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Well...that's about it, yeah...but...
[Sure, he is really good at setting things aside, but still... Maybe it hasn't entirely sunk in yet? It did take Rita a while to process it all, initially focused on what it had meant for Yuri and Flynn's fate--but what it meant for her relationship with her friends had quickly been on her mind, too.
Before she can quite help it...the question slips out.]
Aren't you sad you won't see your friends again?
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Which makes it all the more startling, in the end, when that question does slip out.
For a moment Jade simply stares back at her, and something genuinely startled crosses the impassive set of his features--the lack of expression he's been trying to maintain, up to this point. They need to plot the way forward in all this, after all, and this is no occasion for dwelling on things. On the feelings. But. There's something about the fact that Rita actually has to ask...as if she's not sure. As if she can't tell. (Oh, and that actually really hurts, far more than expected--)
That's beside the point, part of him wants to say. It's not important right now. It will not help us. Yet, too, there's another part of him that says...]
Of course I am.
[A quieter sort of admission, this. As it slips out rather the same way Rita's question has, filling the space of the pause that falls between them; stripped, too, of the steady surety of his earlier words. With just a bit more of an adjustment in tone, it could nearly parse as offended, or upset, but...overall, it just sounds more tired than anything.
Jade's posture in his chair doesn't shift. But his glance does, briefly, drop to the floor as he frowns.]
...I suppose I must not be showing it. That's the sort of person I am, I'm afraid.
But it is so.
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What I mean is...you don't have to keep all that bottled up inside just on my account.
[Softy. This is serious, though, so he gets spared that. Instead, she crosses her arms and nods like she's about to say something heartfelt and very wise, because she totally is, okay!]
It's okay if you want to cry.
1/3??
[You know, the last time anyone said this to Jade Curtiss...his name was Jade Balfour, and he was about four years old. Might have scraped a knee on a slippery patch of ice, or something like that.
He still didn't cry then.]
2/3
...Well, it's good to hear I have permission on the matter, then. Thank you. [Faintly humored and yet not, somehow; there's not actually a trace of mockery in the remark, anyway.] "Keeping it bottled up inside", hm? That might be true...
3/3
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In response to his thanks-]
Well...we're friends and all.
[Just throwing that right out there so there can never be any doubt!
...Even as he does go on to steer them back to the main issue facing them now, and Rita blinks at the way he just...lays it out seemingly so easily, with a surprising level of optimism, too. They still have worth...she could protest that it's not what she'd been thinking. It would be a lie, though. She uncrosses her arms, chewing on her lip as she looks down at the coffee table for a moment, before back at Jade.]
That was...quick.
...What makes you so sure, anyway?
[Dodging a direct answer like this, it's going to be obvious that it was on her mind--not it wasn't already, it seems.]
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But acknowledging it out loud would be...no, there's no need. He's made some sappy enough admissions already, in the last half minute or so--and he's probably about to make even more of them before this conversation's over, with the direction it's currently starting to head now...all without having to get into the power of friendship as well!
...Because it remains such a grim topic here, and yet. He is very sure about this, isn't he? That they still have worth.]
Is there a reason not to be? [The question is fired back readily, not necessarily sharp but not exactly gentle either--much the same way Jade returns the eye contact steadily, when Rita offers it at length.] To say otherwise is to imply that we're lesser than our originals, in some way. Or less capable, than we would be back home. Simply because we've been split away, from what we were...this doesn't mean that our identities must suddenly come to an end.
[...In his mind's eye the memories remain very clear, even as their sentiments blend together. The months spent watching, as Luke struggled to find a new path for himself--an answer he could be happy with, a means to finally move out of the shadow of his original. How, so very slowly, "I never should have existed" gradually became "I'm glad I'm here"...]
We can no longer rely on going back, perhaps, but there's nothing to say that we cannot continue going forward. If this is the hand we must be dealt, then the least we can do is to make it worthwhile...to find meaning in it for ourselves. ...That's the best path, I've learned, to dealing with this sort of thing.
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For now...establishing their purposes and their worth...is a grim but necessary conversation. She's again caught off-guard by how immediately he responds where that's concerned, and she stares back at him in surprise.]
It's not--that we're lesser. I mean--we're still us, but--
[Ugh, she turned it over in her head so many times, but putting the feeling into a string of words is harder. What are they supposed to do now, when everything they'd wanted to work for is almost certainly out of reach? When their entire lives have been uprooted and forcefully planted on a completely different track they never chose for themselves?
...Sure, they can't just focus on the past. They do need to move forward, like he says. Even still, Rita frowns, looking down at the coffee table again.]
...It's not like it's all that easy.
[
(That just get over it towards Clarke really coming back to bite her...)It's...so odd and unexpected--though not disagreeable--that Jade can say all this with so much confidence, almost as if he already had it all worked out-And the latter half of his advice catches up to her. Dealing with this sort of thing. Hm. She turns a curious glance his way. He never said how long he'd been working with replicas--not that it's a detail she needs to know right now, exactly; rather...she abruptly asks-]
--When did you figure all that out? It's like you already had the answer.
FINALLY slams back in here a thousand years later aaah
[Even if truly returning home doesn't seem to be a feasible thing at this point--there must surely be alternatives, somewhere out there in...the myriads of realities, that apparently exist beyond here. If only they could break free of this terrible hold of the captain's presently. ...But it's still not to say that having to leave your previous life behind by no choice of your own isn't, upsetting, yes--and Jade's well aware that it's going to take far more than a single talk like this, for Rita to come to terms with it. (He himself...will probably need more time and answers, too, before he does as well...)
But if it's a matter of trying to decide what to do, from here...
Well, Rita's intuition is surely rather on point there. ...Must have been rather obvious. Here Jade relents just a bit again, where eye contact might be concerned...and the ghost of a smile that crosses his features, at the question, is simultaneously fond but...sad?
Maybe a little sad.]
--Does it seem that way? I cannot take credit for it, I'm afraid. The answers I have now draw from the experiences...of someone else. A dear friend of mine. [A slight pause, here, as Jade seems to debate on whether to say anything more. Judging by the curious bent of Rita's glance about now, though...] I suppose you're already taking a guess or two as to his nature, aren't you?
[She's a sharp girl, after all--even if that sharpness is often volatile and selective, at times.]
luke talk luke talk 👀
[She just...isn't entirely sure what they should aim for beyond securing their freedom. Not only do they have too little information, but the captain's powers don't make any damn sense, and they can't even do more than put a little dent in his stupid shell. It's...frustrating.
Maybe that's why she chooses to focus more on Jade's reaction here, and what he admits. A dear friend, someone he so obviously misses...and also...
Softly, she concludes-]
So...you have replica friends.
[In the context of their current conversation, it makes sense, even as it brings up additional questions. Hadn't he forbade the creation of replicas? How long was he actually creating them? How they did go from creator and creation to friends? They're thoughts that flit through her mind, though she doesn't voice any of them yet.]
He sure must've had quite an impact if you've picked up inspirational speeches from him.
ITS FINALLY HAPPENING......and now im sad all over again ugh
Rita's use of the present tense in that answer, though--ah. Even just that brings about something of an aching sort of twinge, though Jade knows it wasn't her intention. Another slight pause falls, as he studies the coffee table between them.]
...At one time, I did.
[And perhaps he might again, someday. --The self he is back home now, anyway. There are still many replicas trying to find a place in the world, there, and he hopes to aid them in such a cause. But as to the ones he knew, for that brief span of time...thoughts of Fon Master Ion arise as well, and by extension Jade's referring to him too. But as to the person he's referencing here and now...]
The replica I speak of wasn't aware of his own true identity for the majority of his life. In reality he was made to forcibly replace his original, as part of an exceptionally cruel sort of plot--the peers he knew, and the family surrounding him, were none the wiser of the trade, and thought the incident had rendered him amnesiac. He grew up entirely believing himself to be the person everyone told him he was...and then, at length, the truth was finally revealed to him. His original was still alive out there in the world--and he was an impostor all along, by some definitions, shaped by an identity that was no longer his own.
...I can only imagine it must have felt something like this. Having your origin pulled out from under you, all at once... [No, and even then--surely it was even worse, for Luke. The circumstances of that reveal...to witness the changing context of his own identity in painstaking realtime, only accentuated by the harsh judgment of his original. --Retrospect surely does bring many things to light. Jade glances up to Rita at length, smile long since faded.] I daresay anyone would call such a thing impactful, to witness. I will readily agree that his situation will forever stay with me. After all...I may not have been the one to revive the forbidden arte to create him, but I did have a hand in his existence to begin with, by first devising it at all...
rita just getting all the sad deets about her friends' friends lately
In any case--considering what they're going through right now, the story he tells is...a pretty painful one. Actually, it does sound like it was worse to her, too--they still know exactly who they are, even if their trajectories have split from the original.]
...To find out your whole identity and past were a fake...
[Jade does end up answering a couple of her questions, though--someone else revived fomicry and created this person, apparently.]
Was it...intentional that you met him?
[Hrm. Is that the right way to put it? To ask whether or not Jade became his acquaintance because he was a replica, or whether it was more...accidental. Which she can admit would be a little ironic, considering Jade's invention...]
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Intentional? Oh, no, not in the least. It was quite the epitome of chance encounters, really...happening to bump into each other in the same place at the same time, as it were. [If it hadn't been the for Black Wings detonating that bridge--if the carriage carrying Luke and Tear had reached and crossed said bridge even fifteen minutes sooner--if Jade hadn't opted to stop off in Engeve at the Fon Master's request, and if Luke and Tear hadn't decided to do the same at that time...goodness, many things would be different. to say nothing of how thoroughly coincidental it all was, objectively...] Truthfully I almost couldn't believe it myself, as the details of his origins gradually came to light...some form of karma, no doubt. Or, as some would once call it, the will of the Score at work.
[Whether or not the Score was still in effect even at that time...still, the case is a strong one--such can't be denied even now. Jade sighs.]
Either way, I don't know...that I was of much help to him in the end anyhow, on the front of his identity. ...Furthermore, he never begrudged me my part in his existence, somehow, though he should have. I wouldn't have blamed him if he did.
[But he didn't, not once. He even advocated for Jade eventully, if anything, where even those most familiar with him were reluctant to--convinced as he was, that Jade had changed for good, and would never make the same mistakes he committed with fomicry again. ...In the very end...their final handshake held nothing but warmth...
Hm. It feels...strange. It feels very strange, speaking of Luke like this--indeed, Jade hasn't spoken of Luke at all since he first arrived aboard this vessel, and even back home...in the wake of Eldrant, there simply wasn't much time for reminiscing. Much less aloud. ...Jade's not sure why it's coming out now. Some perfect storm of the painful current revelation on hand, and the prodding on Rita's own part--her presence in and of itself, perhaps. (She reminds him so much of Luke sometimes, in the oddest ways...) Either way, though, it's like a dam finally cracking just a little bit. --And as expected, the wound of the loss is still raw, but at least...it's a different sort of painful from the trappings of their situation here. Maybe that counts for something...or maybe it doesn't...
But Rita did want justification for Jade's opinion on the matter, and this--is that. So to speak. As the answer is gradually drawn out very incrementally, in this way...]
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[While she doesn't know what the Score is, in context, it sounds almost like he's saying it could've been...some kind of fate. Rita doesn't believe in destiny and preordained fate--your fate is what you make it, in her opinion--but that's not a tangent she's particularly interested in pursuing. Instead, she's taken aback by how...fondly he seems to recall the memory--fondly and with plenty of melancholy too, she'd say.]
You almost sound like you wanted him to blame you. [A beat, and then she adds-] Even if you weren't actually responsible for creating him...you still felt responsible for what he'd gone through. Is that about right?
[They never did dig too deep into Jade's past after...clarifying the basic details, and now...Jade certainly seems to be carrying way more guilt over his invention than she initially guessed. And besides that...]
In fact, it almost sounds like...you're still grieving him, or something...
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[So, yes, she's about right. He does still feel responsible, and perhaps always will. Luke had told him, that one snowy night in Keterburg, that he was ultimately glad to experience the life he had, regardless of the circumstances tied to it...and though Jade holds the memory close like a talisman, it doesn't feel right to acknowledge only the positive aspects of it all. Above all else, he cannot let himself grow complacent--to forget just how extensively his own actions could alter the lives of others, in such ways.
But then Rita's making a note like that, and it's--hm. Not a sore spot, but. ...It's something he hasn't tried to look at since those events in Eldrant came to pass, has he? Even pointed out now--it's something of a surprise? That Rita could draw such a conclusion so promptly--
Jade hadn't even realized how his glance had ended up focusing on some other point to the side again, far off, before that remark's bringing him back to the present.]
Does it sound that way? I... [He doesn't know. Maybe that is the word for it. Surely he ought to be well-versed in personal loss by now, and yet to this day Jade still doesn't know how to identify this feeling. Whether it really is 'grief', in the same shape that anyone else's would be--when everyone else around him always seemed to experience it far more strongly and properly than himself. For a brief moment, the hesitation is plain on his features too.] ...I do think...I wish he'd been given more time. Luke only had seven years, to...
[To be alive, to experience the world, as his own person with his own outlook. --But that's getting into very painful territory indeed, and Jade abruptly realizes that he's getting off-track. Regardless of how...Rita doesn't seem to mind it. Seems to want to know more, even? Still, this is territory Jade doesn't want to wade into--doesn't know how to, not really--and...no, he's surely already said too much. The adjustment is an abrupt thing; a slight shift in his seat, and a moment taken to close his eyes and adjust his glasses, before Jade shakes his head again slightly.]
...Well, but that's beside the point. It isn't--we ought to return to the crux of the issue, at hand. ...That in the time afforded to him, he did eventually come to accept himself. To come to terms with the life he was parted from, and resolve to focus on a new path forward instead. So, if nothing else...the least I can do is take that resolve as an example, here and now.
To despair on this new path we've been forced onto will change nothing. Finding a new goal, and then making new resolves once that goal has been reached...that seems to me the best course of action, until we can acquire more tools to work with in this place. [Pushing out a slow breath of a sigh, Jade folds his arms.] ...I hardly expect you to accept this, as a solution. I'm well aware that it remains a paltry thing, vague as it is, and limited as our means seem here presently. But...
[But, it's all he has to offer, at present. ...And perhaps now, at least, Rita has the context on hand for where this perspective comes from. Whether or not she decides to take it up for herself.]
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Her brows furrow as he tries to change the subject. No, it's not what she originally came here for, but...maybe he needed to talk about it. She thinks she has a better understanding of him now, either way.
Well, anyway...he continues circling back to the initial problem, and eventually, she nods.]
I mean...I already knew we had to do that... [Which is...why she decided to talk to him?? Clearly.] But it is pretty vague right now...
[Also, she's still giving him a thoughtful look, pretty indicative of the fact that she's still considering asking him more about Luke.]
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So he's opting not to, about now. Which makes a shift back to the initial subject the most immediate way to go about it...even if Rita's pretty clearly rather less enthused about detaching from the topic of Luke in this way.]
It's indeed vague. Which means there's nothing for it but to try making it less so, in any way we can. Naturally, I trust that you'll be keeping your eyes and ears open for any other hint of information that might present itself over time. [Jade sure is seeing the thoughtful look Rita's continuing to level his way, and he's doing his level best to make no outward acknowledgment of it as he steers the both of them towards...what probably ought to be the end, of this particular conversation. Namely:] ...It's unfortunate you had to learn of this particular bit of information in this way. Where the nature of our existence here is concerned. ...But this, too, is invaluable to know all the same--even if it's painful to. I do still appreciate you bringing this to me, in the end.
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Of course--if I do hear anything else. And that goes for you, too.
[Not that she believes he'd hold anything vital back, about their situation here.]
Anyway...uh, I don't know-- ['You're welcome' isn't something Rita Mordio really says at all, much less in this kind of context. So...the more fitting but also more embarrassing route...] ...Thanks, for...talking.