[It's a bit of a delay on this end, as well, before the response finally arrives. A bit of typing and deleting of his own.]
It's a tenuous sort of balance, isn't it? You know how you yourself are going to handle it, but it's often impossible to be sure how others will. How it may go on to impact all manner of things. Accordingly, if terrible results befall, the fault falls squarely upon yourself.
For a long while...far too long. I was far more sure of myself and my own judgment than I ever was of anyone else's. It felt sensible, then, that I should be the only one to hold information that needed to be held, until I could be absolutely sure of certain outcomes. And if I was never sure...well. But you don't need to hear any more of that, either.
[Here, finally...is something of an explanation, maybe. The one he couldn't properly put to words, the first time Natsuno had confronted him over this after December. There's been a lot of time to mull over the matter since, and...besides that, there's a certain barrier afforded in text, that makes it easier. Whether that's a good thing or not.
Naturally, of course, a part of Jade can't help bit be curious as to what exactly's brought this 'realization' about from Natsuno's end of things. But...the inclination to ask directly fades fairly quickly. If Natsuno wants to talk about it further, it's his choice. But either way...]
It always gets a bit too easy when you've grown very used to being a hypocrite. But you're no hypocrite by habit at all. So, it's only natural that our perceptions have been so different on this front.
[you're no hypocrite by habit at all. Reading this makes Natsuno feel... something. He's been feeling like a huge hypocrite with all these secret.]
I'm trying to think about worst case scenarios. What's the worst that can happen if you tell no one? A few people, or everyone? But then you just keep thinking in circles and don't get anything done.
...
Did you think about what happens if you disappear and the knowledge is gone with you?
["By habit" is the key word there, you know? It's a very defined distinction, as far as Jade's concerned. There's plenty to be said just for how the idea is troubling Natsuno this much...
Oh, that question there, though. That--wasn't an expected one. There's a slightly longer delay, this time, in which nothing is typed at all, and Jade sits back and peers pensively at his phone for a drawn moment.]
In full honesty? No. I try not to think about disappearing at all. And perhaps that's ill-advised, in a place like this, but that's another habit of mine that's rather harder to break.
To cease existing has never felt like an option I have the luxury to consider, when there's far too much that I still need to do.
[Not just here. But back home, too--ever since he'd finally given up, on trying to resurrect Gelda Nebilim. ...Ever since Luke had vanished in the ruins of Eldrant. A heavy weight of self-responsibility he'd laid firmly over the top of that perpetual nagging thing in the darkest corner of the back of his mind--the thought that's always wondered how things in the world of Auldrant might have been better, if he'd never existed at all.
(Because he does exist regardless, and he's now come this far...and the very least he could do is try leaving things better than he'd found them, for once in his life--)
--But things are different now, here, in this place where people are apt to vanish regardless of their own will on the matter. Now aren't they?]
Still, that's actually an entirely valid concern. ...A prudent reminder, that I shouldn't be forgetting so easily. We cannot discount such a possibility, after all, if we want to entertain the idea of keeping some aspects of knowledge to ourselves at times...the information vanishing into the Nothing alongside us helps no one at all.
I'm not sure I have an answer to that issue yet. [Hm...] I have heard, at the least, that possessions of the vanished do remain left behind. Leaving some form of written record in the case of disappearance might be one option...
[Not anymore. Belatedly, he realizes that's the first time he said it to Jade outright.]
But it's not up to us. A written record is an option, only I'm not sure how to stop people from reading it while we're around. Maybe some magic seal you have to maintain every week and opens automatically when you don't? Or have I been reading too much fantasy books.
[It is the first time he's said it to Jade so...completely outright, like this. --What a good thing this is over text indeed. The way this first line actually gives Jade a genuine moment's pause won't be noticed, nor the expression his face may or may not be making as an odd sort of feeling settles in the back of his head. A minor but persistent sort of concern that he'd grown a bit numb to properly noting for awhile, until it's suddenly and finally easing just a bit now.
To convince a person that their life is worth continuing is a truly difficult thing, when certain crippling events in that life have given them little reason to consider it. In the end, the choice was always going to be in Natsuno's hands alone. Receiving such a plain sign as this one, though, that he's actually made that choice in the end? It's...
Well. But he's still right, that the sticking point currently remains: It's not up to us. Not the way things are right now in this existence, anyway. But when the option opens for him again someday...won't that be something?
It's already something.]
No, I don't think that's an unreasonable idea to entertain at all. A timed seal...not a bad notion in the least. Such forms of artes aren't generally within my own specialties, but I'd be genuinely surprised if there's no one on this ship that might actually be more versed in such things. Something to ask around about at some point, perhaps. ...And I might try workshopping something in the meantime anyhow...
Fontech may be one of my weaker points, but we do have nothing but free time on our hands between the horrors around here, now don't we?
Oh, that's certainly true...her formulae might actually be rather more conducive to something like this. I get an impression she does usually work with more physical devices than not, too...
That aside, I certainly don't see why you couldn't see the process once we get around to it. The chances are quite decent we'll either be workshopping this in our cabin or Rita's, so it's not exactly like there's much possibility of you getting locked out. [Alright, but more sincerely, humor aside--] I'll be sure to call you over as we get started on the more exciting aspects, hm? We'll probably test it upon your own stash of notes first too, if anything. Since you did come up with this idea first!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
come_sailaway
no subject
It's a tenuous sort of balance, isn't it? You know how you yourself are going to handle it, but it's often impossible to be sure how others will. How it may go on to impact all manner of things. Accordingly, if terrible results befall, the fault falls squarely upon yourself.
For a long while...far too long. I was far more sure of myself and my own judgment than I ever was of anyone else's. It felt sensible, then, that I should be the only one to hold information that needed to be held, until I could be absolutely sure of certain outcomes. And if I was never sure...well. But you don't need to hear any more of that, either.
[Here, finally...is something of an explanation, maybe. The one he couldn't properly put to words, the first time Natsuno had confronted him over this after December. There's been a lot of time to mull over the matter since, and...besides that, there's a certain barrier afforded in text, that makes it easier. Whether that's a good thing or not.
Naturally, of course, a part of Jade can't help bit be curious as to what exactly's brought this 'realization' about from Natsuno's end of things. But...the inclination to ask directly fades fairly quickly. If Natsuno wants to talk about it further, it's his choice. But either way...]
It always gets a bit too easy when you've grown very used to being a hypocrite. But you're no hypocrite by habit at all. So, it's only natural that our perceptions have been so different on this front.
no subject
I'm trying to think about worst case scenarios. What's the worst that can happen if you tell no one? A few people, or everyone?
But then you just keep thinking in circles and don't get anything done.
...
Did you think about what happens if you disappear and the knowledge is gone with you?
no subject
Oh, that question there, though. That--wasn't an expected one. There's a slightly longer delay, this time, in which nothing is typed at all, and Jade sits back and peers pensively at his phone for a drawn moment.]
In full honesty? No. I try not to think about disappearing at all. And perhaps that's ill-advised, in a place like this, but that's another habit of mine that's rather harder to break.
To cease existing has never felt like an option I have the luxury to consider, when there's far too much that I still need to do.
[Not just here. But back home, too--ever since he'd finally given up, on trying to resurrect Gelda Nebilim. ...Ever since Luke had vanished in the ruins of Eldrant. A heavy weight of self-responsibility he'd laid firmly over the top of that perpetual nagging thing in the darkest corner of the back of his mind--the thought that's always wondered how things in the world of Auldrant might have been better, if he'd never existed at all.
(Because he does exist regardless, and he's now come this far...and the very least he could do is try leaving things better than he'd found them, for once in his life--)
--But things are different now, here, in this place where people are apt to vanish regardless of their own will on the matter. Now aren't they?]
Still, that's actually an entirely valid concern. ...A prudent reminder, that I shouldn't be forgetting so easily. We cannot discount such a possibility, after all, if we want to entertain the idea of keeping some aspects of knowledge to ourselves at times...the information vanishing into the Nothing alongside us helps no one at all.
I'm not sure I have an answer to that issue yet. [Hm...] I have heard, at the least, that possessions of the vanished do remain left behind. Leaving some form of written record in the case of disappearance might be one option...
no subject
[Not anymore. Belatedly, he realizes that's the first time he said it to Jade outright.]
But it's not up to us.
A written record is an option, only I'm not sure how to stop people from reading it while we're around.
Maybe some magic seal you have to maintain every week and opens automatically when you don't?
Or have I been reading too much fantasy books.
no subject
To convince a person that their life is worth continuing is a truly difficult thing, when certain crippling events in that life have given them little reason to consider it. In the end, the choice was always going to be in Natsuno's hands alone. Receiving such a plain sign as this one, though, that he's actually made that choice in the end? It's...
Well. But he's still right, that the sticking point currently remains: It's not up to us. Not the way things are right now in this existence, anyway. But when the option opens for him again someday...won't that be something?
It's already something.]
No, I don't think that's an unreasonable idea to entertain at all. A timed seal...not a bad notion in the least. Such forms of artes aren't generally within my own specialties, but I'd be genuinely surprised if there's no one on this ship that might actually be more versed in such things. Something to ask around about at some point, perhaps. ...And I might try workshopping something in the meantime anyhow...
Fontech may be one of my weaker points, but we do have nothing but free time on our hands between the horrors around here, now don't we?
aw jade...
It'd be great if you tried. Maybe ask Rita too? She's got magic ink and she's working on formulae.
...
Actually, could you show me too? It'd be cool to be able to use something that doesn't involve writing in blood.
shush do not perceive--!!
That aside, I certainly don't see why you couldn't see the process once we get around to it. The chances are quite decent we'll either be workshopping this in our cabin or Rita's, so it's not exactly like there's much possibility of you getting locked out. [Alright, but more sincerely, humor aside--] I'll be sure to call you over as we get started on the more exciting aspects, hm? We'll probably test it upon your own stash of notes first too, if anything. Since you did come up with this idea first!
no subject
But if it ends up blowing something up we do the next test on deck with YOUR notes.